Dr. Daniel Siegel’s Window of Tolerance

I went out for a walk in the woods, to come back to myself.

I had been living outside of my window of tolerance. I was feeling tense, on edge, and finding it difficult to access that place of calm and ease within.

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At times of stress, or when our body perceives a threat, we can move into automatic responses.

You might notice moments where everything feels a bit too much - 

thoughts racing, body tense, emotions close to the surface.

Or times where it’s the opposite -

things feel distant, flat, harder to access, like you’ve gone a little offline.

These are natural responses of the nervous system.

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The window of tolerance is the space in between.

It’s where you’re able to feel what you feel,

and still stay connected to yourself.

Where your body feels a little more settled,

your thoughts a little clearer,

and you’re able to respond, rather than react.

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When we move above the window, we might feel:

• overwhelmed

• anxious

• on edge

When we move below the window, it can feel like:

• shutting down

• disconnecting

• struggling to think or act

And sometimes, we might find ourselves trying to stay safe by adapting to others, and losing a sense of ourselves in the process.

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There’s nothing wrong with any of this.

These are protective responses, it’s your body doing its best to look after you.

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A helpful thing to gently notice is:

Are you able to move in and out of these states…

or does it feel like you’re living there for longer periods of time?

We all move outside of our window, that’s part of being human.

But when we feel stuck there,

and it’s hard to come back,

that’s often when life can begin to feel more difficult.

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What can be helpful is simply beginning to notice:

Where am I right now?

Not to fix it.

Just to name it.

Because when we bring something into awareness,

we create a little space.

And in that space, there is agency…

there is choice.

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From there, you might begin to explore what helps you come back.

• Who helps you feel safe, steady, more like yourself?

• What supports you? (movement, touch, stillness, breath)

• Where do you feel most grounded?

• When does it feel easier to reconnect?

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A few gentle ways to anchor and return

• Feeling your feet on the ground

• Slowing your breath, even just slightly

• Stepping outside for some fresh air

• Placing a hand on your body for reassurance

• Reaching out to someone safe

• Sitting quietly, without needing to do anything

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By simply noticing, and gently supporting your body back into regulation,

you may begin to find you spend more time within your window of tolerance. 

Feeling a little more at ease, a little more joy, a little more connection.

We’re human - it’s natural to move in and out of these states.

We can simply begin to notice…

and, when we can, gently return to ourselves.

Like any muscle, this capacity can grow stronger the more it’s used.

And I came back from my walk feeling that way.

If you’d like some support in reconnecting with that sense of calm and steadiness through massage, appointments are available at Time to Unwind, message or go online to book.